They say motherhood is the most rewarding job in the world. And it is. But what they forget to mention is that it pays in goldfish crackers, sticky hugs, and on rare national holidays, the ability to go to the bathroom alone.
From the second you become a mom, life turns into a whirlwind of bodily fluids, weird smells, and questions you never thought you would hear. Do dinosaurs fart? Do fish get thirsty? Why doesn’t the cat want to wear pants? And you will answer all of them. Straight faced. Like a scholar.
Sleep? Never Heard of Her
Remember sleep? That peaceful, luxurious thing you used to do for 8 hours.. in a row? Yeah, she left. And took her friend “Quiet ” with her.
Now you’re wide awake at 2 a.m. trying to reason with your 4 year old of how it is physically impossible for a shark to break into our house. In the middle of Nebraska. Never mind the very important detail that they don’t have thumbs.
Or you’re rudely awakened at 6 a.m. sharp. Not by an alarm clock but by someone breathing directly on your eyeballs and saying, in a voice to loud for this hour, “I want milk.”
Coffee It’s Own Food Group
Coffee is no longer a treat, it’s now a food group. And you’ve reheated the same mug three times and still haven’t finished it because someone fell down, someone needed a snack and someone else decided now was the perfect time to flush a plastic whale down the toilet.
A Clean House?
Forget the Pinterest perfect living room you had in your former life. You are now likely to find toy dinosaurs in the freezer, Cheerio fossils in the couch cushions, and a half eaten pb&j providing essential nutrients to your favorite house plant.
No one will ever admit to knowing how these things happened. It’s kinda like living with very small, very sticky lawyers.
Negotiations
Mealtimes become a negotiation worthy of the U.N. “No, you can’t eat gummy bears on toast for breakfast.” “But, you can have the toast, with peanut butter and these gummy vitamins instead of that gummy candy.”
In the afternoon, you may attempt to work, clean, or sit down- bold of you really . The moment your butt touches the the couch, someone screams like you’ve committed a felony. Have no fear, this particular existential crisis turns out to just be a sock that feels weird.
But Then … Magic Happens
Your baby giggles for the first time. Your kindergartener draws you with 15 fingers but calls you their beautiful mama. You catch them being kind to their sibling, and you think, Maybe I’m not completely screwing this mom thing up.
Motherhood is like a roller-coaster with no seat belt, questionable (at best) safety regulations, and a soundtrack consisting of Let It Go and Baby Shark. But it’s also a front row seat to watch the humans you love more than anything discover the world.
Final Thoughts
Don’t compare your journey of motherhood to someone else’s perfectly curated Pinterest or Instagram posts. Thats not what their ‘real life’ looks like either.
Motherhood is messy and magical. You may not always have your sanity, your dignity, or your figure. But you will always have a heart full of love, a phone full of blurry photos, and a purse that smells like old fruity snacks.
So to all the moms out there, You’re doing amazing! You’re hilarious. You’re still cool. You’re slightly unhinged- and that’s exactly how it’s supposed to be. Happy Surviving to all the fellow warriors of the goldfish strewn battlefield.